Wednesday, June 19, 2013
I don't think that I am the most caring, loving or sympathetic person; but if anything I am protective and loyal. It's like that song Angel eyes by love and theft. She's got a little bit of DEVIL in those angel eyes. Well I feel like I relate tho this song very well.
Growing up I was in contact with my mother's side of the family, seeing them often. They all saw my father as the rebel out law that he is, Hunting (some legal some not), Tattoos, smoked pot, grew pot, drank, and much more. The day I turned 20 years old I went to a tattoo shop with my boyfriend at the time and got my very first tattoo. I was already the black sheep of the family so what could it hurt right. My tattoo was in memory of my mother, go figure they all loved it. Since then I have gotten more tattoos, and get looked down upon more then ever. The only problem is I really don't care what they think of me, not that that is a problem in my eyes. I'm just not girly enough for them. I would go ahead and tell you I suppose I know why but I don't need to.... I actually know why. I'm a tomboy always have been and always will be. I hunt, fish, love to get in some mud and go mudding, I don't wear my hair down or makeup every day, and I don't mind getting dirty or swearing like a pirate. I am who I am, I wont let any of them change me; I'm not going to wear girly clothes all the time.... I see nothing wrong with jeans and a t. I find it ridiculous that you need to look like a "proper" woman ALL THE TIME!!!! All I have to say for myself is I am my father's child. I have his attitude and act just like him in a lot of ways.
I get lectured about my tattoo's all the time from family but that is not going to stop me from getting more. I'm hoping this weekend I can make it down to my tattoo guy's shop to have him look at a drawing and fix it up for me. Soon I will have my 5th tattoo, I hope to have it by the end of summer.
So just to throw in a little blurb about yesterday. I was told at work that I must choose working full time there or walking out the door. This is all after they told me that they were considering my position for part time and I had gone out and found another part time job. Being completely frustrated with my job I thought about just walking then and there. But of course I'm one of those people who have a head on their shoulder and know that bills need to be paid and I cannot live off a part time job. I just got a Jeep, and a Camper and those need to come first.... simply because I love jeeps and camping and I don't want to ruin my credit or have my "toys" taken away from me.
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Monday, June 17, 2013
Well the night started off a little wacky, I took jep to the vets, and he was a complete mainic. He wouldn't listen at all and was completely rediculous while in the vets office. It was just the trip from hell.
Speeking of hell; I feel as though my relationship is going to hell. Tonight my boyfriend tells me he keeps his mouth shut so that I don't get mad due to my short temper. Of course this pisses me off because it makes me wonder what I've done to make him mad that he has neglected to tell me. Its so frusterating being in a relationship and not talking to one another. I mean arnt you suppose to talk about these things in a relationship. Not necessarily being an ass hole about it but at least telling one another when something is bothering.
Then he tells me he kept his mouth shut over the weekend. I thought we had one of the best weekends ever but I guess I was wrong. Then I asked what he ment by that and it turned into a very silent vehicle ride home.
Why is it that relationships are so hard. Apparently loving one another means nothing if you cannot get along. I loathe feeling like I did when I was a child, usless and non existent. Feeling insignificant is extremely irritating.
Now that, that is out of my system I think its time for bed.
After I arrived at my grandparents in the morning I just got so down. My grandfather is not doing well and seeing him like this doesn't feel very good. Regardless of my feelings I fixed his pant legs like I have begun doing every morning. Once he was ready to head out for the day my grandmother and I helped him to his truck, making sure he had what he needed. Lunchbox, notebook, ext. He is a very strong man, almost 80 years old and still working 7 days a week. Its probably time for him to slow down a bit but mentioning that to him is like talking to a brick wall..... you will get no where. After he left I chit chatted with my grandmother for a bit talking about jobs and my lack of interest in a job that seems to be becoming a nuance. Soon I should be starting my job with the Postal service.... it truly cannot come soon enough. All of a sudden thing's at work have gotten strange. My boss is acting differently towards me, some of the "higher up's", it has just gotten a little to awkward for my liking.
Work is no easy task today, after arriving, I started working on inventory in shipping.... being that my job is computers this was definitely a nice chance of scenery. Although frustrated I hung in there trying to find the parts that were NOT! in there designated places. I finished only to find out that most of the parts I was looking for were no value and wasted my time looking for them. Welcome to the world of frustration! After finally getting back to my office my phone is ringing, after seeing who was calling me I did NOT want to answer the phone but being the only IT person in the building today I was obligated to. Someone once again forgot their e-mail pass word. You use it every freaking day and cant remember it.... seriously right the damn thing down!!! After revealing to the co- worker what their password was, I got off the phone. Of course there was yet AGAIN another problem, so they call me immediately back. I answer their next problem with ease and again we hang up. Mean while I am trying to talk to another co worker answering their question when my phone rings for a third time. By now I am fed up with the first co-worker so I have a little irritation in my voice. I quickly get her off the phone and go over to just fix the problem so the phone calls will come to a screeching hault.... I hope.
Enough about the day lets move on to bigger issues. It is as if my life is in shambles. My boyfriend has just gotten back to work and we are still struggling with bills. This is just ABSURD I have never had this many problems with bills before in my life. I have been seeing a councilor to try and get my anger issues under control with the help of some medication aka (Happy Pills) but the new ones just don't seem to be working. I told my boyfriend last night that the thought of having a child has popped into my mind over the weekend. Knowing he doesn't want a child I wasn't sure how he would take the news. We surprisingly did not argue but simply dropped the subject. Sure it will come up again many times but easing into it may be the best way to hand it, especially due to our financial status. We just got a puppy and he is a handful at the moment, he is a wonderful dog but it seems to be a bit more of a challenge than I remember house breaking him.
My day is not over yet but that is all I have to say for now.