Friday, June 21, 2013

Just plain Bullshit!

Well it's Friday.... Friday's are suppose to be good aren't they? Or am I missing something.

I woke up about 4 am... right there that's enough to tell you why type of day you're going to have. Upon getting out of bed I stepped on a staple.... which yes went into my foot and fucking hurt! Immediately I knew today had gone to hell.... At this point I'm not even sure why I bothered getting out of bed. 

I got up and went to my gram's like every morning to visit, shower, then head to work. Everything was going fine until I got into the shower, then I started thinking.... and thinking gets me in trouble. I feel as if my boyfriend no longer has interest in my and normally I would just shove it off but for some dumb ass reason I listened to the doctors when they said I need to start showing my emotion..... Well the emotion hit me like a ton of bricks and I fucking hate it!!!! This emotion's shit is not for me. I feel like dying after telling him that since he want's to do what he want's when he want's and not care if we have plans or not he should move out. Maybe being somewhere else will make him realize what he has. It's just so hard trying to be with someone when they have other things on their mind. I'm really quite over it now.... it has gone on long enough that soon I just wont care at all. I plan on going back to me... not this emotional piece of shit I have become. I am a firm believer there is no point in emotions... they get you nowhere. You want to cry go fucking cry its not going to help or change anything.... it just makes you a fucking baby. 

Right now I'm not sure where my relationship stands or weather I will even have a boyfriend when I get home. I will always have my dog, he truly is man's best friend... in this case woman's. 

I thought about grabbing some worms and just taking off into the woods on my way to work this morning. Drown some worms and let go of my frustrations ... But a 12 hour shift is hard to pass up.... extra money is always helpful. I am at work now and wondering what the hell to do with myself. I already feel myself becoming cold and tuned out again, I guess that's really who I need to be to survive in this world. My family if you can call them that fucking sucks.... go figure I have no support team. My relationship is in shambles, and everything just keeps piling on like I'm the dump site for stupid shit. 

All n all I think I am just done. Done with trying, done being helpful, done being everyone's go to person.... just fucking DONE!

Hope you all have a better day than I'm going to....

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