Thursday, June 27, 2013

Slowly falling apart.

Well my ex just gave me some new's I'm not sure how I want to take. His divorce will be finalized next Wednesday. Yes this is the ex that want's to get back with me. I still miss him. But I'm not quite sure how to take this information, I mean I have a boyfriend and I love him. I just feel like our relationship is heading south. We don't really spend time together unless we are arguing; and when we are not arguing we are watching tv not paying any attention to one another. It's like we have both given up.... If this is how it is going to be there really is no point in being in a relationship. I love him but sometimes love just isn't enough. I honestly think I don't give myself enough time being single. 

My boyfriend has been out of work for over 2 months, but just recently started working again. It's been a few weeks and I still haven't gotten any help with bills. I mean it was fine when he was out of work but now there is no excuse. Things are hard right now, I mean the tv just got shut off because the bill hasn't been paid in 2 months. I'm honestly thinking of disconnecting it. Things have just been off lately and I am not liking it at all. 

It's bad, I have been talking to a guy from work threw txt the last couple day's and I have been so upbeat and overjoyed. It's like I'm 100% happy again.... and all I can think is shouldn't this be how I feel with my boyfriend? Isn't that how he's suppose to make me feel? My thought process has completely gone to hell. It's just nice having a friend to talk to about nothing specific, joke around, maybe flirt a little. I know its wrong but it makes me feel happy. Does that make me a terrible person?  This song "cant get you out of my head" just came on and sad enough my boyfriend was no the guy that came to mind. 

I have so much I want in life and want to do and I feel as though men are the reason I'm not doing any of it. Some thing's you need a man for but Those are things for later in life. I mean I am only 22. Well it's almost break time so I think I'm going to stop blabbering for now and go get some fresh air and see how that treats me.

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